Look out, Xan!!!
Doesn't my son look perfectly adorable here? He looks so peaceful, with that perfectly harmless stuffed turtle on his chest.
This is exactly what the turtle wants you to think. That it's harmless.
It's the Turtle of Doom!!
Why, you may ask, is the turtle evil? The short answer is, Why not?
Xan has quickly acquired a good sized collection of stuffed animals. This includes several from my childhood, including Floppy the red dog, known to this day by my cousins for our endless games ofStupid Doggy, when we tossed him at each other across the room. Newer additions include Grendel (given to us by a medievalist with the accompanying child's version of the text, this animal can actually ingest smaller items like other toys, cookies and my hand), Ossie (an ostrich actually purchased in South Africa but named for the late actor Ossie Davis, not just because he's an ostrich) and Mitzi (a kitten who is not quite the sex kitten that her name implies). Our menagerie also includes SuperBear, a perfectly normal small teddy bear who happens to have a hand-knit long scarf, knitted by my former TA Steve (who, like me, can knit, but only scarves). But said scarf is tied in the front, in the fashion of a cape. Hence, SuperBear was born.
All these animals started developing personalities when I realized that one of my responsibilities as "Dad" was to come up with perfectly ridiculous, yet entertaining, stories for my son. I decided to be inspired by the collection of stuffed animals, immediately coming upon SuperBear and Mitzi, the feline in distress. But every hero, even SuperBear, needs an archnemesis. Who to pick? Opus the penguin? A tiger? Maurice the crab from The Little Mermaid? Raggedy Ann?
And my eyes fell on an otherwise innocuous sea turtle.
Hence, Tod. The Turtle of Doom, born to inflict all sorts of evil plots and plans for SuperBear to rectify. So far, Tod has been responsible for such dastardly activities as making the frozen breast milk take a long time to defrost and warm up, convincing Mitzi to reject SuperBear's offer to go to the movies with him, and humidity (naturally). We all know that world domination is only a few steps away, however, and that al-Qa'eda has nothing on the Turtle of Doom.
I'm trying to figure out the later implications Tod's mere existence will have for our good friend Todd Kutyla, who has two adorbale boys but also unfortunately has the same name as my cold-blooded antagonist. Perhaps Todd the human is a minion of Tod the turtle? Or does the extra "d" in his name protect him from the evil influence? Only time, and the ongoing influence and adventures of SuperBear will tell!