Well, then. Who would have thunk that the biggest surprise would come at the end? This actually attests, in my opinion, to the complete dominance of the acting branch -- half of which, I believe, were actually in the movie itself. Or, it confirms that the best predictor for Best Picture is (perhaps not so surprisingly) the Best Editing award, for which Brokeback was inexplicably left off the list.
Still, I can not believe this is how it ends. Crash is not (not) the best picture of the year by a long shot -- I am sorry, but that is my opinion and I am sticking to it. Granted, if I had my druthers, A History of Violence would have swept everything. Perhaps it is best that I do not run Hollywood.
Signing off then. Only now can I appreciate that the Oscars actually ended in 3 1/2 hours. That's incredible in itself. Good night, and good luck. Don't crash.
8:32 - The most amusing thing now: after the credits, CTV cuts back to programming already in progress, which is.... wait for it... According to Jim. Stellar.
8:25 - I have to say that I am truly, truly stunned. Hard to type because I can't believe it.
8:23 - OH MY GOD.
8:22 - JACK! How come he doesn't host the Oscars? He's more of an Oscar icon than anyone.
8:21 - Ange just thanked all three Chinas!
8:20 - HOORAAAAAAAAY!!!! Ang Lee so deserves this award. And he just had his own "Hello, gorgeous" moment.
8:19 - Jon Stewart forgets that no one cares if someone breaks a viola. (Ha! A viola joke! Hi Angela!)
8:12 - And Crash goes for two. Brokeback 2, Crash 2. Neither for acting. Hm.
8:11 - OK, these two make an amazingly amusing writing team. I love them. And Larry McMurtry gives props to books!!! GO BOOKS!!! RIGHT ON!!!!
8:10 - Brokeback goes for two! And you know, Diana Ossana definitely had the best outfit of all the nominees.
8:08 - Dustin Hoffman is thanking the losers for doing great work. This, from the man who thanked people for losing when he won.
8:03 - I feel really icky having watched that speech. How plastic.
8:00 - Oh, Brookebrown. I'm so sorry we're not having the Oscar party to watch you blow up. Don't worry: we all know Reese is a horrible person, particularly because she's the first acting winner tonight to give a traditional Oscar speech... which now seems lame.
7:58 - Judi Dench seems embarassed to see her clip.
7:55 - What? Geisha wins Cinematography? That's completely ridiculous. That is the one that makes me the least happy.
7:53 - We're about to head into Hour #3. And suddenly, I realize that I have accidentally left my leftovers from lunch at the restaurant. Oops!
7:48 - And there goes my upset. Oh well, you go, PSH!
7:46 - Terence? Maybe? Aw heck, I'll be happy whoever wins.
7:44 - Whoa. No, Hilary didn't deserve to win last year. But wow, she looks really good right now. Best Actor now? Yippee!
7:42 - And Crash gets its first Oscar. Fairly well deserved, I think. Plus, a shot on Terence Howard.
7:39 - Wow, that was really a great speech -- a great one-line comment on Foreign Film. (Plus, he one-uppsed both Colleen Atwood and Gustavo Santaolalla by thanking an entire continent.)
7:38 - The Palestenian Territories -- not Palestine, not the Palestine Authority. Are you all happy with this?
7:37 - Ooh, controversy time! Let's see what happens to Paradise Now. Where is it from?
7:34 - In Canada, we now get the ad for possible 2007 nominee The Da Vinci Code.
7:33 - I actually think it was Shelley Winters, with a runner-up from Pat Norita.
7:31 - Uh-oh. The memorium applause montage. Who wil win?
7:26 - Agreed with Stewart: that is how you accept an Oscar. I'm telling you, Terrence Howard has got it in the bag.
7:24 - UPSET TIME!!! THE PIMP WINS!!
7:20 - More interpretive dance!
7:18 - Ludacris is looking stylish. And this intro is magnificent.
7:12 - Note: there is no music playing under Altman's speech. Hallelujah.
7:09 - Really, can I explain how much I really love Altman? Just watching those clips is like watching many many masterpieces all at once.
7:04 - This is amazing. Only they could do this. Meryl is a comedic genius, yes, JJ. And this is a perfect homage to Altman.
7:03 - Lily and Meryl, together.
7:02 - And now, a shout-out to New Zealand!
7:01 - Jessica Alba appears to only have a 12-inch waist. This must be the reason why she has been asked to present, because if I'm not mistaken, even Jennifer Lopez has displayed more acting talent on the big screen.
7:00 - Oh wow, Jon Stewart reads all of our collective minds.
6:59 - Oh, duh. Of course it's not a genre montage. It's a montage to the wonders of widescreen. Well, exhibition is in the house, I guess.
6:56 - Oh jeez, another genre montage? At this point, if they don't do horror, I'm going to be very unhappy.
6:51:15 - Wait, I just got thanked. He thanked all the Latinos, everywhere. ¡De nada, Gustavo! ¡Te queremos también!
6:51 - First, Japan is thanked, now Argentina.
6:49 - Aha!! The Argentine wins!!
6:47 - I predict Iglesias or Santaolalla, because they chose Salma to give the award.
6:45 - Oooh, classy way to do the Score nomination. Gotta love Itzhak Perelman. And actually, they are doing it as if the Kodak were an old-style silent movie palace! So brilliant.
6:44 - Sorry, I dozed off there. Woke up to Salma's boobs, however.
6:42 - Oh, look! The president of the Academzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
6:40 - And Jon Stewart makes a great crack at the montage sequence. I love it.
6:36 - No no no, the political film is not a genre of choice. Sam should be introducing horror! Or exploitation! Snakes on a Plane!
6:34 - Why did they play the Wallace and Gromit music for the section on Harry Potter? Could the Oscars not get the rights to the music?
6:32 - Oh, look: a Speed reunion! Complete with music! For Art Direction?? OK, they lost me on the relevance of presenters to awards thing that they started with. A shout out to Brad Isbister, who I went to see this movie with in North Carolina years ago at a sneak preview.
6:29 - So here's the problem with playing the Best Picture nominee clips right before a commercial: I hear Philip Seymour Hoffman's voice and think they're doing Capote... except he's talking about killing his wife. And then I realize that they've cut to a commercial for MI3. Which is not quite Best Picture material.
6:27 - I was just saying to myself, "Why didn't they simulate the movie for Transmerica?" And suddenly, I remember that Dolly was wearing a pantsuit. Was there a bulge? Hmm.
6:26 - Except I see that they're actually trying to simulate this! Or, maybe it's interpretive dance? Call Debbie Allen!
6:25 - There's a burning car in the background, which is where I remember the montage sequence begins in the film. It would be great if the stage can turn around to simulate this.
6:22 - I was actually really hoping that the Penguins would not win this one. It's not the best of the year. But then, they thanked the children of the world. And, even better, they almost just ran over Jennifer Lopez.
6:21 - Look, it's the Prius on Charlize's shoulder!
6:19 - At this point, I would like to point out that I am predicting a major upset and that Terence Howard will actually win the Best Actor race.
6:16 - That Best Actress smear campaign stunt was hysterical. I am literally crying right now.
6:13 - First, a western montage; now, noir. If we cover the musical, the melodrama and horror, I'll never have to teach a genre course again!
6:12 - Except they must be using a very small font for the teleprompter, because she's stumbling just like Morgan Freeman did. This is not good. Making Bacall look bad is not a pleasant thing.
6:11 - Lauren Bacall: now there is a movie star.
6:09 - The lead-off commercial on CTV here is for A&W fast food, where a young couple bring their parents to A&W to buy them a "Grandpaburger" to let them know that they're having a baby. I feel like yacking. This channel is also advertising both American Idol and The Amazing Race.
6:08 - Great choice for the Good Night, and good Luck clip.
6:06 - Ah, good for Weisz. She looks wonderfully simple. Pregnancy suits her well. Although I would love to have seen Frances McDormand's ensemble, just because it looked casually fab.
6:04 - Catherine Keener is so wonderful. And lovely. Mmm.
6:03:30 - See, if he had worn a tie, he wouldn't have flubbed.
6:03 - What is up with Morgan Freeman's open collar? I love Morgan, but still.
6:00 - One hour down! Time for the sci-tech awards. And wow, what a horrible dress Rachel McAdams is wearing.
5:59 - The costumer who got cut off is going to bitch-slap the guy who took up all her time.
5:57 - The ceremony is actually doing a great (and entertaining) job of pointing out what these awards are actually for. Plus, those eyelashes are a riot.
5:56 - In the comments, cardhead says that he's not going to wear pants to class tomorrow in solidarity with the ducks. I think this is a good idea.
5:53 - This is an odd montage, probably unnecessary. Of interest to me: the scene that was considered shocking and immoral and earned an R-rating in 1969 in Bonnie and Clyde plays on network TV with no problem now.
5:51 - Colleen Atwood gave a shout-out to the entire country of Japan. Shouldn't that have been a grand arigato?
5:50 - Geisha gets the first technical win for costume. Of course, because it's beautiful. Oddly enough, having just seen Walk the Line on the plane, I wonder if that wasn't the deserved win there.
5:47 - Hey, a professor won! Maybe there's hope....?
5:45 - And then we offer Chicken Little? The non-nominee? (Although the presence of Joan Cusack talking about pants is always welcome in my book.)
5:43 - Actually, the Owen brothers offer a great reason why they are the ones selected to do the short film category. (Plus for my shorts class this summer!)
5:39 - Whoa. This is how they will introduce the clips from the Oscar-nominated films? Hmm, on the one hand, a time-saving device. On the other hand, definitely doesn't give the films the platform they theoretically deserve from being nominated in the first place. Comments?
5:37 - Back to Dolly: she has the audience clapping along, which is pretty good given that she has no band. (Somehow, it seems empty without a band.)
5:36 - While Dolly is singing, this is as good a time as any to mention that I did not get that beer, after all. I decided to get a gift from a store that would close before 6. This means that, alas, I will not be grading drunk after the ceremony after all.
5:35 - I'm actually thrilled that Dolly is not wearing the pink thing she was wearing on the red carpet. But I think this therefore means that that she's this year's Beyoncé. Isn't she remarkably well-preserved?
5:32 - These ties that Nick Park and his partner are wearing are going to be the new fashion rage. I want one. No, I do! Bringing them for the Oscars is brilliant.
5:30 - Stewart is making great penis jokes tonight. No, really.
5:29 - The big monkey wins!
5:26 - If anyone really deserves to be in a green suit, it's Ben Stiller. I'm cracking up.
5:23 - Speaking of JJ, he seems to be live-blogging as well. I'll have to keep up with him. (Hey, JJ! What up, yo?)
5:20 - I'm enjoying the Clooney speech. (But what is that music in the background?) Political, but classy, not crass. Nice. (FYI: In the Oscar pool, I am now 0 for 1, because I stupidly listened to JJ. Thanks. I should know better.)
5:19 - George wins! And that was a classic opening line.
5:16 - But that intro is too long.
5:15 - My first look at the set. Very nice! I like the retro look. And my, does Nicole look absolutely luminous.
5:13 - OH NO. The gay western montage! They just stole my entire reason for showing Red River this semester! That was utterly brilliant.
5:12 - Ooh! First Jack Nicholson sighting! Where are my sunglasses?
5:11 - Charlize Theron seems to have a Toyota Prius on her shoulder.
5:10 - Bjork and Cheney, together forever. Fabulous.
5:09 - Ah, the Jewish trilogy! Loved it.
5:08 - Jon Stewart just talked about women not being able to afford enough gown to cover the breasts. And why don't they cut to Felicity?
5:07 - DARN IT! I missed the opening. I'm so upset. But I'm on now.
4:29 - Sandra Bullock says she's not doing romantic comedies anymore. Meanwhile, Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon arrive. Coincidence?
4:27 - Was about to go get some beer... and then I saw Felicity Huffman. In that dress. WOW. Is that really a desperate housewife? Hoo-hah.
3:52 - I just realized that the Oscars aren't on for another hour. I'm taking a break.
3:41 - I think Ryan Seacrest made a disparaging remark about Heath Ledger wanting to be a stay-at-home-dad for a while.
3:38 - George Clooney says that he hates Ang Lee. I now find him evil and wonder if Mizrahi just cut him off or whether he was asked to do that, haha.
3:34PM: I turn on the TV and finally find the Oscar coverage on CityTV. And Isaac Mizrahi is interviewing Dolly Parton. Who is, shall we say, a little on the gigantic side. The irony here is that they then cut to Keira Knightley, who could use some.