Monday, June 05, 2006

BREAKING NEWS: Escaped Reptile Found in Swedish Megastore; Father Expresses Relief, Devotion

COLLEGE PARK, MD - A dinosaur, missing since Saturday in the College Park IKEA, was found unharmed and returned to his best friend early Monday.

The troubles began on Saturday when brain-addled professor Jeffrey Middents, 34, brought his son Alexander, 1, and his son's stuffed dinosaur, Dino, to shop for plastic tumblers and to examine the annual sale. Middents only discovered the missing reptile in the children's department after having gone through the entire 2nd floor of the store.

"I thought it would be funny to have the dinosaur fight this octopus they have there, kind of like Godzilla vs. Mothra, or something," said Middents. "But man, that dinosaur is like his best friend. You have no idea what kind of guilt I felt."

Middents apparently walked the length of the store three times before calling Jeffrey Bird and Amy Hightower, who had given the dinosaur as a gift to the younger Middents. Ms Hightower, reached at her visit to an relatively fertile woman in California, commented that the reptile had been purchased at TJ Maxx two years ago and would be very difficult to replace. Sources at the Ikea store indicate that a person matching Middents' description was seen talking into a cell phone with an expression of doom and giving off the stench of despair.

Angela Dadak, mother of Alexander, confirmed that this event, coupled with two further hours of food shopping that followed, turned Middents into a pissy jerk for a large part of that afternoon.

A woman who would only be identified as "Lynda from IKEA" called early Monday morning to say that the dinosaur had been located. "He thanked me but then said something about loving me immensely for finding it," she told reporters. "All I did was pick it up."

The reunion was held Monday at around 1:00PM EDT. "I felt so guilty," said the elder Middents, "despite the fact that it's this little guy who threw it out of the cart. Though we may have to transition to the panda because that at least we know how to replace." Sources confirm that the reunion consisted of much cooing and hugging with only some extraneous drool.

Alexander Middents and Dino could not be reached for comment for this story, due to their relative lack of language ability. Both celebrated, however, by having a ball.

No more pictures! said Alexander Middents. I'll drop you as if I were Sean Penn! said Dino. Posted by Picasa

1 comment:

KC said...

This post rocks.

P.S. did you try Extortion-Bay for perhaps locating a Dino body-double?